This article discusses a controversial pro-reform essay and concept titled The Push, introduced on YesMAP Wiki by BLueRibbon in May 2024.

Percy Shelley

Brian Ribbon

Foreword (Percy Shelley)

When Brian Ribbon returned to the MAP activist community in 2024 after a 14-year-long hiatus, his first piece entitled The Push generated a lot of controversy. It was intended as a warning that MAPs, facing all the various pressures arrayed against us, might act out of desperation in ways that hurt themselves and others. The essay was written from a place of frustration over tragedies that befell the author's friends, and paints a vivid picture of some of the harmful actions MAPs might be driven to. Read uncharitably it may be seen as either threatening or excusing MAP violence. A closer reading reveals that it is simply describing basic psychological and economic theory about human motivation and responses to incentives.

To use a less controversial example- if governments punish fictional images of minors such as shota and loli with the same penalties they apply to actual photos, then there is very little incentive for MAPs, apart from their own moral compass, to avoid possibly abusive real images in favor of fictional ones.

The Push does present some extreme cases, but its main premise is that MAPs with nothing to lose have no external incentive to avoid harmful activities. If we are treated as monsters regardless of our behavior or legal status, some of us may unfortunately act in monstrous ways. “People become what you say they are”, after all. That's why a common first reaction on finding the MAP community is relief, with MAPs realizing that society's message about people like them is wrong. For the first time in their life they hear the messages “you are not a monster” and "you are not destined to hurt children".

“I am [...] the fallen angel, whom thou drivest from joy for no misdeed. Everywhere I see bliss, from which I alone am irrevocably excluded. I was benevolent and good; misery made me a fiend. Make me happy, and I shall again be virtuous."

• Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein

Clarification on scope and intention (Brian Ribbon)

Of all the concepts introduced by the pro-reform framework, The Push is the most misunderstood. It is a stark warning against the stigmatization and hunting down of MAPs, based on both theory and observation. It explains how society's adversarial attitudes and actions inadvertently increase the risk of harm to young people and society in general. It is not a call to arms, a threat of violence, or an indication that we think MAPs are inherently dangerous people. It is an attempt to point out what should be blindingly obvious; if you hound any group of people, isolate them, push them to the brink, and leave them with nothing to lose, you can expect some of these people to become a serious danger to society. This is what is being done right now to MAPs; even those who have not yet been outed may live in abject misery, fear, and terror.

Misunderstanding #1: The Push endorses violence

While I very much like the concept of The Push, and believe it to be quite correct, the essay introducing it was hardly a great piece of writing. The introduction focused on a case where a man attempted to shoot police officers arresting him for allegedly attempting to pay for sex with children. In the closing remarks, I honed in on the risk of MAP-led violence as a result of The Push. This was not an expression of endorsement but of concern about the future. I believe this concern to be well-founded, and I will continue to point out examples like Nicholas Prosper to illustrate that MAP oppression can indeed have such devastating consequences. However, I do not encourage such violence. Murdering your family (as Nicholas did) or members of the public is not exactly a likeable trait. Instead, I encourage activists to get involved in activism using the more peaceful and legal methods I discussed in my recent essay, A Call for the Abolition of Apathy.

Correct interpretation: The Push warns of the risk of MAPs turning to violence but ultimately advises against it.

Misunderstanding #2: The Push is only about the risk of violence

The Push doesn't only describe the risk of MAPs turning to violence, but of engaging in more harmful behavior in general. One key issue discussed in the middle portions of the essay was that of MAPs being pushed toward potentially more harmful relationships. I described how many of the boys who seek relationships with homosexual MAPs do so out of curiosity and playfulness, and are in my personal opinion less likely to be harmed by such interactions than boys with quieter personalities. However, as I explained, those boys are also more likely to tell others about the relationship due to the very same traits that lead them to act on their sexual curiosity. Therefore, perhaps even subconsciously, some MAPs who act on their feelings will seek out shyer boys who are less likely to discuss such activity with others but are sadly more likely to be harmed. We can apply this logic to other issues: the criminalization of AI PIM pushes MAPs to seek out real PIM; "why not if both are criminalized?". Additionally, the mental distress and dehumanization caused by social and legal persecution will lead some MAPs to feel like they have no true friends and little to lose, increasing the risk of anti-societal and criminal behavior in general.

Correct interpretation: The Push warns that MAPs, put under immense stigmatization and facing criminalization of any expression of their feelings, are more likely to behave in ways that society would deem harmful.

Misunderstanding #3: The Push implies that MAPs are inherently dangerous

The Push does not seek to imply that MAPs are inherently dangerous; quite the opposite. It rightfully depicts MAPs as victims of serious misunderstanding, witch hunting, and frequent targets of poorly justified criminalization. My argument is that the extremity of such persecution can make monsters out of saints. Of course, I don't claim that MAPs are all perfectly saint-like. I think, inherently speaking, we run the entire gamut of niceness. However, if you take any group of people and submit them to the equivalent mental torture of being a MAP in the modern world, you will get some very negative outcomes.

Correct interpretation: The Push warns that members of any group of people subject to extreme persecution will be more likely to respond negatively than if that persecution did not occur.

The dilemma (Percy Shelley)

While at the extremes some MAPs may be pushed to violence or terrorism, I think another thing we need to be conscious of is the dilemma faced by MAPs (especially exclusive MAPs) even in the absence of social stigma and demonization, as well as how this may relate to illegal or unethical sexual behavior. With the relationships we desire criminalized, we are basically left with three or four choices. All of these are unsatisfying and take their own kind of emotional toll.

Loneliness

A celibate life - a life chosen by many MAPs (regardless of their position on legal reform) - may be legally safe and morally unquestionable, but it can lead to intense loneliness, frustration and depression. In living without acting on our desires, core aspects of ourselves are denied, leading to emotional distress and disconnection from the world. At its extremes, this approach can involve obsessively avoiding minors altogether and may be comorbid with unemployment and social isolation.

Deception

While non-exclusive MAPs may be able to live authentically in a relationship with an adult (even while hiding a core aspect of themselves), exclusive MAPs that choose a compromise adult relationship without genuine attraction often end up suppressing their sexuality entirely. Much like there were for gay men who married women in decades passed, there may be some advantages to these relationships in terms of having a stronger social network based around your own family. However, this can often lead to fractured relationships with partners who sense something is missing. That can be highly distressing for the partner and children, not only the MAP.

Criminality

Acting on illegal desires might, in the moment, feel like the most authentic way to live as a MAP. Yet, once faced with all the legal, social and sometimes ethical consequences of such a decision, and the absolutely devastating effects the legal system can have not only on your sense of self but also those around you, it is rarely a decision that comes without lifelong regrets. Many former MAP activists are still unable to participate in our community to this day because of poor decisions they made decades ago. Some justified their decisions, some just slipped, but anyone may ultimately end up in this position if circumstances conspire in the wrong way.

A fourth option?

There is a kind of compromise which is not perfect, but in my experience and probably the experience of many other BLs and GLs, the best option. That is platonic friendships with minors. Although in some cultural contexts even being friends with minors can be extremely stigmatized and hard to accomplish, having platonic relationships can provide most of the emotional fulfillment necessary to ward off the worst excesses of loneliness, while still feeling like your true authentic self. There may be situations where you need to act carefully, monitoring yourself and your emotional state so you don’t cross legal or personal boundaries. Yet, if able to do so, you can find yourself providing an important role in the life of one or many young people, without risking losing all of that for momentary pleasure.

The need for compassion (Shelley / Ribbon)

When we talk about The Push, we need people to engage empathetically and have them understand our dilemma. Outsiders must appreciate that the choices we face are all fraught with risk or misery, and are almost inevitably destined to be disappointing. Furthermore, even when some MAPs make poor choices, they are not necessarily predators with nefarious intent, and they should not automatically be viewed that way. Rather, they are people that have made a mistake in a world where they felt denied the happiness and security others are allowed, under the crushing weight of immense stigmatization and pressure.

Imagine, if instead of increasing the pressure on MAPs through bigotry and hatred, people showed compassion for how hard it is to be minor-attracted. Maybe then, instead of being pushed to be bitter, we would instead be pushed to be better. Even without any legal reform, simply being told something like “you’re great around kids and I trust you” would do a lot to diffuse the massive frustration we feel in a world of woodchipper memes on social media. Had Luton mass murderer Nicholas Prosper been able to participate in supportive communities on mainstream social media, or been offered safe access to a MAP-compassionate therapist, perhaps he would not have committed his horrible atrocities. Meanwhile, there are countless MAPs who end up acting on their feelings in ways they may not have done were they not subject to The Push. These include Mu's very own Percy Shelley, who attempted to start a family as a 'better choice' before ultimately succumbing to The Push's pernicious effects.

Society needs to stop turning well-meaning MAPs into an anxious and bitter mess. The disastrous consequences can be far-reaching, for both MAPs and those around them. We know there are many people who revel in the torment of MAPs, including non-offenders, but they should know what really happens as a result of their unbridled vitriolic rampage. With such knowledge, how can the mob continue to justify their cruel behavior and rhetoric?

Feel free to discuss this article in its dedicated thread on Mu's forum.